Take Cover!

I'm under attack! At least according to Jennifer Garner, Hollywood actress, I am. And strictly speaking it's just my skin that's subject to attack but it's such an integral part of my body I feel that it's a slight on my whole. And what exactly is Ms Garner warning me against? Well apparently it's the sun, that mainstay of our daytime existence, our constant companion for well over half our lives, as reliable as the... well the sun rising every morning. But it doesn't stop there, it's also the wind.. and the cold... and the rain... and the fog... and basically every single type of weather known to mankind.

Yes it's the latest advert for Neutragina with Environmental Scientist/Doctor/Star of Rubbish Films (delete as appropriate) Jennifer Garner fronting the saviour to this onslaught on our selves. What's that you say? "I won't bother buying her moisturising skin cream/armour against the apocalypse, I'll just stay indoors." Well think again because Ms Garner is also warning us against the rampaging viciousness of indoor heat! How have we survived so long unprotected against such omnipotent menaces? Faced with such insurmountable evidence Ms Garner puts forward with the help of some vague looking science type diagrams, I'd best be off down the pharmacist and get me some of that miracle cream.

After all this worrying I've been having trouble sleeping and so I turn to another Hollywood Star endorsed product for help, Nivea For Men Roll On Cream for Tired Eyes, promising well, to revitalise my tired looking eyes. And don't worry about feeling like a big girl's blouse using this make up in a tube dressed up as some kind of macho elixir of manliness, Hunky Scotsman Gerard Butler assures us he wouldn't get up in the morning without it, and he's slain thousands of baddies with his Spartan mates in the movie 300, and fought off fearsome dragons in Reign of Fire. But then again he has also starred in some RomCom crap like The Bounty Hunter and P.S. I Love You so maybe I'll revert to stereotype and simply put up with the inconvenience of my tired looking eyes and just go to bed earlier instead.