All the fun of the fair

The Crane of Death, Miniature Garden on a Biscuit tin lid, Tunnel of Goats, Scarecrow under 5 feet.

Now can you tell which of these features and attractions are from classic fictional comedy Father Ted and which are bona fide rides and competitions in Belgooly's annual Agricultural show?

Yes it's that time of year again when housewives in Belgooly start becoming more and more withdrawn and start eying up their neighbours as they ponder how to break into the top 5 of the hotly contested "Bake 6 Plain White Scones" category or how they can possibly impress the judges with their "Homemade Sponge Sandwich (not iced)."

Some ladies are rumoured to buy their shopping in far away towns so as not to give away their ingredients, others find buying plenty of 'dummy' groceries will more deviously create a kind of culinary diversion for would be copycats.

This is what a miniature garden on a biscuit tin looks like

Whilst being loath to sound patronising, I am assured that everything I find quaint, slightly amusing and distinctly Irish about the Belgooly fair is exactly that by Irish friends of ours who had the pleasure of attending the event last year. Our first hint of what was to come were the vintage cars on display upon entering the field, which included a 1984 Ford Fiesta and a few moderately old tractors that I'm sure caused mile long tailbacks on the roads on their way to the show.

There are the regular horse trials and dog competitions (not quite sure how you win either of those) but the real gems are in the domestic classes marquee where people's creativity are tested to the limit in imaginative categories. The extreme specificity and limits of the categories really tickled me, three different stems of non-flowering garden foliage for example. I assume this is borne out of necessity as previous rogue entries might have included slight variations to get the edge, such as four different stems of non-flowering garden foliage, or a miniature garden on something slightly bigger than a biscuit tin lid, like a baking tray for example, acts of such sheer cunning and bravado that must have caused rifts between families that have yet to heal.

The classes for entry by Primary School students were some of my favourites and I can't help feeling that some were so good that parents must have given the odd helping hand.

Fruit and veg seems the perfect medium for a tortoise based on this evidence

 

Why the long face?

After an exhausing trek around the field and a somewhat worrying palm reading in Madam Mystic's grotty campervan, what better way to quench your thirst than in the tea tent, attended to by the most 'Mrs Doyle like' tea ladies I've ever seen in one place. I must have been away the day the great cutlery round up happened in the village but by some statistical miracle every single tea cup, saucer, knife and spoon is mismatched.

Seemingly everyone within a 10 mile radius must have donated one item each and a conjurer of the greatest skill has shuffled them all together so that not one piece matches another. The result is a mosaic of teacups and saucers on camping tables being tended to by ardent tea ladies who will not let your cup drain to any less than half full before appearing at one's elbow with a hot drop to top you up. It seems to be a point of honour with these ladies and I doff my hat to their efficiency, truly service of the kind that could not be bettered in the finest hotels.

Ever felt your spoon decorating talents needed more widespread recognition?

So if you're looking for a genuine Irish experience that is not put on for the tourists and one that hasn't changed in generations, you could do a lot worse than heading to the 67th Belgooly & District Agricultural Show on the 4th of June.