The Schwartzels?

I don't want this blog to descend into an outlet for a good old ranting but recently I've been pushed too far by one certain annoying habit in today's media, such an infuriating intrusion upon my good nature that I was spurred into action.

This particular niggling little thorn in my side has seemingly crept into the sports media unnoticed by anyone but me and has now gathered so much pace that it is ubiquitous, constantly thrust into my face with the sole intention of provoking me into launching a frothy mouthed diatribe of bile and vitriol. One article by Richard Williams in the Guardian this week pushed me over the edge and not having a whole lot to do at work I took the dramatic step of writing a letter to him....

"Dear Sir,

Please can someone explain to me the seemingly recent penchant for sports pundits and writers to pluralise competitors' names? I quote as an example a sentence from your column today on Tiger Woods, "had he pulled clear of the Schwartzels and the Scotts, the Days and the Chois, you would not have bet against him closing out his fifth Masters title."

There was only one Schwartzel playing golf on Sunday, only one Scott, one Day and one Choi. Why is the image of an army of golfing clones, competing with the one Tiger Woods, put into my head unnecessarily? Is it too hard to say that Schwartzel, Scott, Day and Choi were chasing Tiger? Or Tiger was being chased by the likes of Schwartzel, Scott, Day and Choi? Who are the Schwartzels anyway? Germany's answer to The Simpsons?

This is a trend I would expect from half-witted ex-footballers on Channel 5's Uefa Cup coverage but from writers in The Guardian? Am I missing something? Did this suddenly become accepted English and accurate journalism? What's more annoying is that no one is ever described as being one of someone elses clone. You don't hear Andy Carroll described as being "you know ,he's a Les Ferdinand," by Lee Dixon on MOTD. Instead he'll have his own name pluralised and becomes one of a bunch of Andy Carrolls. So why are these masses of non-existent clones being written and talked about in the first place?

Please forward this on to the Sports Editors of this world to see if they can shed any light on this for me.

Yours sincerely,

Mike Warren
(I'm one of the Mike Warrens of the world you might have heard about if you follow County Cork's AUL league)

p.s. yes I'm having a quiet day and have a little too much time on my hands right now."

After a day's castigating himself Richard Williams sent the following reply the next morning, 

"OK. You're right. RW"  

Pathetically this little victory has perked me up no end and has given my campaign against this particular abomination of the English language new impetus, watch this space......